Dag Gum Freakin BUGS!!!!

Ok so I really wanted to title this "How to Lose 14 POUNDS in One Week" but I didn't want search engines to grab my pitty story for those who would like to lose weight healthy.


Anyway How to Lose 14 FREAKIN POUNDS in 7 days!!

Step 1- Get a MANDATORY Piggy Flu shot
***one week prior to symptoms
Special note: Have your family all get sick in this week but YOU and feel pretty good about yourself!!

Step 2- Get the FREAKIN Piggy flu! (One week later gotta love that!!!!!!)

Step 3- Get Bronchitis secondary to flu
***This is day 3 now of symptoms

Step 4- Gag up every single bit of moisture for 3 days

Step 5- Swell tonsils to the point where they are over lapping and your throat is no longer able to do vital things like...BREATHE!!!! Swallow or eat.
*** Now to make sure you are on track your garbage should now be half full of your mouth and nose "moisture"

Step 6- Due to the fact that you can not vomit due to tonsils and resulting you have to swallow your vomit, your stomach now gets even ANGRIER and sends fire down your man hole!

Step 7- Make sure that you do not sleep for the the last three days and wake up in sweats (I saw so many wrestlers sweat their weight off in high school- Guess what it WORKS!!)

Step 8- The night of Day 6 to 7 completely rid your body of piggy flu virus through....SWEATING!
***You know the outlines of the bodies for crime scenes....Well imagine you wake up and you are soaked (I thought I might have peed the bed or dumped my ever full cup of water on the bed) and there is a completely FILLED IN outline of your body and you are convulsing due to chills and no body heat. Yepo that is at least 3 pounds right there.

Now this does not help your weight loss goals but you go crying like a baby into the Dr on day 7, say you've given up either they rip out your tonsils or you will and I do know where to find a scalpel! The nurses take one look at you and stay where they are. You can't even get the Dr closer than FOUR feet to you. You continue to cry as they give you a shot in each butt cheek (now one of these shots is the hell, fire and damnation shot (rocephin-one word BURN) that nurses HATE to give and HATE even more to receive) and 8 hours later you are breathing and swallowing. Still haven't eaten but hey at this point I am believing that is optional.


Mom the funny thing is - All I want is a frosty and fries!! So much for weight loss- LOL!


Sorry for the graphic details to my weight loss but I do want to report that I am getting better. Yes I had the swine flu, bronchitis and strep throat at the same time and probably all because of each other. The Swine flu test takes one week to come back but they are pretty sure. For those of you who have called I no longer sound like a man so I will begin to take calls. And for the rest of you who love me and care thank you for all your well wishes. Thanks especially to Brad Poulton who would come within one foot of me to help Spencer give me a blessing!

MaKynzee who started all of this is doing good, poor girl was sick for over a week but pretty spunky with a fever except maybe 2 days.

Spencer who was the second victim is doing very well also. He has his 3 month cough for the rest of the cold season but is handling it well with a pocket full of cough drops.

Lukas was barely touched, he had a cough but never fevered.

Me well you know my story!

Hope all is well and we love you all.

******This is NOT FDA approved method for weight loss!!!!********